- The NASDAQ hit a new high... - ..another 200 start-up companies...
- Sponsored by sponsor.com... - Call us at getrichquick.com...
..more dotcom billionaires per square mile...
Time to trade in that old Ferrari for a brand new...
ModNet's gonna bump my annual by ten Gs, plus throw in 5,000 shares of stock.
What does ModNet make again?
Nothing. They're an ISP. Couple of weeks from their IPO.
I'm tellin' ya, this is the crest of the gold rush, my man. It ain't gonna last.
I heard about some guy - came up with food dot somethin' - he's a millionaire.
- Food? He makes food? - No, he patented it. The name.
Then he sold it to a company that buys names. He's set for life.
We're all a dotcom away from early retirement.
Is this the life, or what?
You know, my dad used to love making things with his hands.
- He was a metalworker at General Dynamics. - Right.
One morning, there's a picture on the front page of the LA Times -
astronauts inside the space shuttle.
And my dad is beaming because behind them you can see this panel that he made.
I mean, he held this panel in his hands.
And he said to me that he felt connected with something bigger than himself.
And that's what I came to the Valley to do. And I haven't done it.
You can't hold a dotcom in your hands.
Are you having some sort of mid-life crisis thing?
I'm only 23.
Go ahead and dream.
Falcon Fire. Making the improbable possible.
Chicken suits. You're a genius, Andy.
I don't know what Falcon Fire is. I already want four of 'em.
Hey, Andy, which cock do you want?
- What? - For the bus ads.
- Blowfish! Yum. - Uh, the black one.
Hey, Andy...
Your ten has been pushed back to 12.
Your four and three are at ten to prep you for your two.
It leaves your ten and two free for your five, which needs to be rescheduled.
Your 11 and 12 are coming at ten to prep you for your two,
and your two has been canceled.
Look at those geeks. You'd think they'd shower before a big meeting.
Look at that ugly little contraption.
Whatever it is, they think it's beautiful. And they made it.
What's wrong, Andy?
This morning... I feel so disconnected.
I'll make up for it tonight.
Go on. Ben's expecting you.
Other way, lover-boy. It'sTuesday.
Ben's in the parking lot getting his teeth cleaned.
He felt connected to something bigger than himself.
And that's what I came to the Valley to do. And I haven't done it.
- Hey, Andy. Ow! - Hey.
Hey, Boy Wonder! What can I do you for?
- I quit. - What?
No more chicken suits, Ben. I wanna work at La Honda.
La Honda? Are you nuts?
I know it's the world's most prestigious research lab, but that's why I wanna do it.
To work with the top minds. To be an iron man.
I wanna... I wanna make something.
Something meaningful that touches everyone's lives.
Some thing that will sit on every desk in every city in every country in the world.
- I want... - The jolt.
You can get me in. Please, Ben.
You know I can do this.
Shit!
C'mon!
Huh? I can't be late, buddy!
- Hank? - Now what?
You snuck another name on my Titan team. The team is already full.
I handpicked that team. There's no room for this new Caspar.
Andy Caspar comes highly recommended from Omega Logic.
Lloyd's continued generosity funds La Honda.
Boy Wonder's... Boy Wonder's supposed to be brilliant.
Came up with those funny ads for your Falcon Fire chip.
Chicken suits?
I wanted to slit my wrists when I saw that.
Everything I invent is dumbed down by some marketing puke named Andy.
- You're 20 minutes late, Mr Caspar. - I'm sorry.
I...
I got sidetracked.
This place is amazing. It'slike, uh...
Christmas morning and Disneyland and sex, all wrapped up in one.
This is Francis Benoit, our chief engineer.
I wanted you two to meet before we made our final decision about who's on Team Titan.
Francis, I'm so amped to be here. I wanna do what you do.
I want a chance to work on something bigger than myself. I want the jolt.
Why do you think you should be part of the Titan? You're just a marketing puke.
With a degree in electrical engineering from Stanford.
- I guess that makes me different. - How?
- I might approach a problem differently. - How?
- I might see simpler solutions. - Simple solutions like chicken suits?
Is Francis Benoit really an asshole, or does he just pretend to be?
FYI, newb, Francis is just everywhere.
Notjust here, but in the Valley.
If you get on his bad side, he'll crush you.
- So he's an asshole? - Pretty much.
To the last hurrah!
I can't tell you how jazzed I am. I don't care about the pay cut.
Do you know how long we can live off Top Ramen?
Ten cockroaches can live a year off a single postage stamp.
Exactly. We'll be like the cockroaches - totally unencumbered.
I don't need that big apartment.
Andy, I think you missed the point of my little cockroach factoid.
I don't want any part of your poverty experiment.
So... you don't want anything to do with me without my huge salary?
Would you have anything to do with me without... the saline twins?
Just drop my diaphragm in the mail.
The twins are awesome.
No loud noises. Bathroom's at the end of the hallway.
No hanky-panky in the shower.
Hi, how are you doing?
We have a few rejects from the Stanford marching band.
Mostly tubas, but I've had everything.
Trombones, piccolos, ukuleles, you name it, over the years.
I lived with a flautist once. Boy, could he trill!
Oh, come on, boys. Please keep it tidy for me, will ya?
Pretty fabulous, huh?
- So what's through the sliding doors? - Your neighbor. Leave those shut.
No hanky-panky.
- I'm sorry, I didn't, um... - Knock?
Is... this the women's?
It'sa boy/girl's party, but we still knock.
You're gonna have to do it the old-fashioned way.
- Do what? - Whatever. There are no outlets.
- I'm Andy. I just moved into three. - Really? I think we connect.
I'm feeling a little something here too.
I meant our rooms connect.
I'm in two. No peeking.
Team Titan, Willy. I'm an iron man!
Congrats. Hey, I got my ModNet stock options today. I'm a paper millionaire!
- Who says it's slowin' down? - Cool. Drinks are on you.
- I'll meet you at Mr Kim's in an hour. - Not tonight, man.
I'm having dinner... with your ex-assistant, actually.
Robin?! My girlfriend Robin?!
Yeah. Uh... she told me about the breakup. Sorry.
God, she is so insanely hot, man!
Hello?
I oughta mail it through your little skull, you leeching dragon-woman...
Willy's my best friend!
Jealous? No, I'm not... jealous!
In fact, I am having sex right now too. Yes, I am! You hear this?
Squeal like a tuba for Daddy!
So... talking to your mom?
Ex-girlfriend screwing former best friend.
- Uh, well, what are you listening to? - Silence.
Safety earmuffs. 97% noise reduction.
- I like quiet to work. - So you're a sculptor?
Yeah.
I'm a grad student at Stanford. My dad wanted me to study digital art,
but then I'd be in serious danger of having a marketable skill.
You're funny.
And pretty.
Brains and boobs. Killer combo.
- What do you do? - Well, I work at La Honda.
Ooh. La Honda. EI Car Salesman.
No, no. La Honda.
- The world-famous research center. - Never heard of it.
Hey, newb. Francis is havin' a Titan team party.
- You can't bring your DS. - DS?
Docking Station?
Oh, my God.
Marketing puke!
Hey, Caspar.
Hey, I'm glad you're here. Come on in.
- Oh, I didn't actually bring a bathing suit. - That's OK. Nobody did.
- There's room next to Griff. - Come on.
- I'm... - You're not staying on the Titan.
What?
- But Hank put me on the Titan. - Because you worked for Lloyd at Omega?
I don't care. There's no vanity spots on the Titan.
- Move down! - Move down!
Don't worry. I've got another project for you.
Volunteer for this one and I'll make sure you work on something, down the road,
that gives you the jolt you're lookin' for. OK?
It'stime.
What's this other project?
A laptop computer that retails for $99.
Is that ajoke?
The world needs a cheap, portable computer, Caspar.
Third World schoolchildren wannajoin the information age.
I thought Third World schoolchildren wanted... food.
Do this for me and I promise you'll be part of my next big project.
Titan! Titan! Titan!
It'sup to you, Caspar.
You can fill pails... or you can light fires.
Now... lift your arms.
- You're quitting the Titan to do what?! - The PC-99.
Are you nuts? Did Francis threaten you?
No, no. It seems challenging. Who do I report to? Who's my team leader?
Well, you're the only one on the project. I guess that makes you team leader.
The only one?
But this is an important project, right? Cheap computers, Third World kids.
Anything stopping me from recruiting a team?
No, but there are only a couple of unassigneds left.
If you can get them to volunteer for your project, go ahead, knock yourself out.
I'm lookin' for Salman Fard. Salman?
- Hi. Andy Caspar. - Yes.
Christ! What have you got, a T1?
It cranks. I've got a brown box that sniffs out the military's secret fiberoptic pipe.
CIA's got a classified file on me. You want to see?
My girlfriend says don't mess with the CIA, IRS or bikers.
I'm only afraid of bikers.
''Domestic and international electronic trespassing:
NASA, Microsoft, the Kuala Lumpur Department of Transportation...''
- You're a hi-tech bad-ass. - I provide a service.
All the systems I've hacked are more secure today because of my efforts.
My girlfriend calls me Robin Hood.
It'sa double entendre. I'm uncircumcised!
Well, um... thanks for that image.
So... I'm putting together a team,
and maybe you could help me track down some of these other names on the list.
Curtis Reese is a wizard. TG: Top Gun.
This guy thinks in binary and he craps C++.
Trust me. He could design the Titan alone if Francis gave him a shot.
So why is he unassigned?
Shit.
- OK, so he lacks certain social skills... - Like the power of speech?
I'm telling you, Andy, this guy's got the stuff.
Besides, if we don't take him, they'll put him to sleep.
I'll handle this. You go check out the lab.
Andy? You in here?
Yeah. Over here.
Hey.
Andy Caspar. Welcome, Curtis.
- Tiny. - What's goin' on, Tiny?
Entropy is winning.
OK...
Oh. You like that desk? It'sall yours.
Andy? I want the desk next to the fireplace.
There's one more name on this list, and that is... Darrell Claxton?
This guy is a total hard-wired moby motherboard jockey.
Is that good?
He took an Athlon 750 and overclocked it to 2GHz, and it's running constant at 38 degrees.
- Which is good. - Great! Well, where do we find him?
Don't buy into the rumors. I've never had a run-in with him.
- What's that he's playing? - It'shis anger stick.
It'sa homemade stringless guitar. Lasers tell it where his fingers are.
- It looks like a weapon. - Don't go there.
Darrell.
Darrell?
Darrell!
Don't yell in Darrell's ear.
Hi, Darrell, I'm An...
I'm Andy.
One drop of this on Darrell's palm
and you'll be pushin' the mercury past 105
and chokin' to death on your own mucous in 24 hours.
But you'd be dead too.
Darrell's been inoculated.
Right.
So I guess a hug's out of the question?
Darrell, I hear you're good with your hands.
- Are you coming on to Darrell? - Andy's putting together a team.
Is that drump on your team?
Good. You all know each other. How about I buy you guys lunch?
Fine. But no project-speak before chow.
Nice ride!
Shotgun!
Darrell actually owns a shotgun.
You take it.
- What's wrong with him? - Hey, it's gonna be OK.
Drumpy can't function in the big room.
- Where are his shoes? - He doesn't have any.
Now what's wrong?
How do you think people get sick?
Some guy picks his nose, scratches his ass and grabs that handle.
You touch it, next thing you know you're bleedin' outta your eyes, outta your anus.
Go ahead. Be my guest. Touch it.
Live dangerously.
Speak, Caspar. What's your project?
OK. You guys ready to change the world?
We are gonna build... the $99 portable.
The cheapie box?!
The cheapie box is La Honda's village idiot.
That project comes up every year. Nobody volunteers for it.
It'sa topmost WOMBAT.
Waste Of Money, Brains And Time.
Darrell came to La Honda to burn to the big iron,
not work on some Costco speak 'n' spell science project.
Well... Darrell must feel a tad frustrated because Darrell didn't make the big iron team.
Darrell is just another broken toy with no project to call his own.
Who are you calling broken?
Look, I think you're all terrific, and I can see you're just marking time here
until you get your big breaks as... Armani models.
But until then, I'm the only game in town.
Darrell could be an Armani model.
Whatever. Let me just pay and we'll get outta here.
Pay? That's so cute. Pay...
Son of a...
Darrell gets his best ideas between 101 and 103 miles per.
Sorry, Caspar. Not interested in your cheapie-box project.
Darrell's strictly big nums or no nums.
Why didn't Darrell tell me that before I let Darrell drive my car?
Darrell wanted to drive your car.
Screw it!
It'sa stupid bitty-box project anyway. The parts alone are gonna cost more than $99.
It'simpossible.
Well... OK, Andy. I'm in.
- No, I said it was impossible. - Yes, I know.
Anybody can do something that can be done.
My first project. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Well, well, ladies...
Let's give the PC-99 iron men the old Titan salute!
Bunch of losers!
Aqua tofana is a transparent tasteless poison
that delivers death with no real symptoms.
I'm in.
He's never officially been linked to any murders, but I'd stick to bottled water.
Oh, one more thing. I get to drive your Porsche.
OK, we're the laughing stock of La Honda. The cheapie-box pussies.
But we're gonna prove 'em wrong.
You're iron men. You're the brightest. You're the best.
And you are...?
I'm Kriss Kringle. I'm gonna make the magic happen.
Come on, guys.
Let's build a $99 computer.
And nothing's gonna stop us.
Who took the dry markers?
I love you, Tiny.
I love you.
$1390? Shit, this is impossible.
- Can't we get rid of some of this stuff? - Why the PC-99? Why not the PC-300?
Because it's the goddamn PC-99, not the PC-300.
Well, call it the goddamn PC-1390 and we're done.
- Salman, any ideas? - The name sucks.
OK, fine. Well, let's start by thinkin' up a new name.
That's marketing. If I had wanted to be in marketing,
I would have had 'em remove my forebrain.
Tell you what. You nail the new name and I'll take you out for a night on the town.
Dinner, dancing, the works.
You're an attractive fellow, Andy, but... I'd rather bring my girlfriend.
- You don't have a girlfriend! - Yes, I do.
She's very sexy. Oysters make her horny.
You've never had a girl that didn't cost $3.99 for the first five minutes.
- Your mother uses Macintosh. - What?
You heard me. System 7.
All right, Fard, that's it. You're dead. You're goin' down.
Sodium olefin sulfonate.
Boom.
Go team.
- New sculpture? - No, same one.
So what's it gonna be?
I don't know yet.
Well, how will you know when you're done?
Newsflash. Sometimes it's OK not to know what you're doing while you're doing it.
Kinda looks like a turd.
That's what I was thinking.
- How come I don't know your name? - You never asked.
It'sAlisa.
I'm Andy. It'snice to meet you.
Again.
Wanna have dinner?
There's a supper club up on Russian Hill that makes the best lobster cervice.
How about Top Ramen in my room, say, sevenish?
Done.
Nice compromise.
Add the water, then nuke for five minutes. I'll make the salad.
Jeez!
What, flavor enhancers?
They're clean. It'sjust how I dry them.
Damn.
- Can I ask you a question? - Sure.
I'm looking around your room and I am struck by a lack of... anything.
I just got rid of everything except what I need.
Left me room to concentrate on stuff that matters.
That's my philosophy: simplify, clarify, economize.
So how's life at... Le Fonda?
Well...
It'snot what I expected.
I thought I'd be working on a cutting-edge project with the greatest brains on the planet,
but I've been teamed up with these bunch of...
I don't know. This may be a huge mistake.
Well, I think you're very brave.
Really?
Do go on.
Well, you gave up a lot to pursue an intellectual ideal.
I don't know a lot of people who would have done that.
So big-ups to you.
- Really? Big-ups? - Big-ups.
Well, I've never gotten big-ups. All right! Big-ups.
So...
Is this the part of the movie where we break the sexual tension... with a kiss?
No.
This is where I say ''Welcome to the house. It'stime for you to go.''
No, that's a different movie.
Let's just keep it simple for now.
For now.
How's it goin', Caspar?
Uh... good.
I'd say we're, like, a nine-iron from the dance floor, then a two-putt to the cup.
Of course, you can't rush genius.
Yeah, that's true. Except here, of course. You've got about three weeks to deliver.
Three weeks?!
- But nobody said anything about a deadline. - We all have deadlines, Caspar.
Guys, we just have three weeks to...
Ride me, cowboy, ride me!
- Ride me, cowboy, ride me! - Holy shit.
Whoa. Ride me, cowboy, ride me!
She's brilliant!
lsn't that Janie Hickenlocker from the robotics lab?
What is this, a circle jerk? What are you playing with now?
Strontium barium niobic crystal display unit.
- Hologram. - It'sa Desert Storm leftover... reprogrammed.
It is. It'sJanie Hickenlocker.
Ride me, cowboy, ride me!
How'd you...? Tiny...
OK, back on earth... have we made any progress?
Dammit, we've only got three weeks to finish.
- You could lose the color ink cartridge. - It would save $35.
That's it? That's the big idea?
Guys, we need to get outside the lines. Think laterally, outside the box.
Box.
What are you doin'?
Take your foot off my foot!
- You guys see the VW next to us? - Yes!
We're traveling on the same road at the same speed,
but it cost a fraction of the price that this does. Why?
Because it's a piece-of-shit low-end cheapie machine! Get your foot off!
No, look again. It'ssimple. It has no extras. It'sonly got what it needs.
We need to simplify, clarify, economize.
Simplify, clarify, economize.
Are you guys payin' attention?
That had ''suicide'' written all over it.
No, I get it.
Get rid of everything. The PC-99 only exists in cyberspace. In heaven.
- You kidding? - No, I'm serious.
I'm upset and I think I wet myself, but I'm serious. Put it all on the lnternet!
No CD, no floppy, no RAM, no hard drive, no nothing.
The software's all stored in cyberspace.
- You're a palm pilot, Fard. - Shut up, zipper head!
- Maggot fox. - Look, let's go farther.
Let's get rid of the printer. For 99 bucks, they don't get a printer.
Let's go even farther. For 99 bucks, let's get rid of the TV monitor.
- They get a keyboard and a tube of KY Jelly. - Jesus Christ, Darrell, shut the hell up.
I'm sick of you shitting on us when you haven't come up with a thing yourself.
You know what I think? I think you have ideas,
but you won't tell us cos you're too afraid of what we might say.
We don't have time for that, Darrell, so from now on you put up or you shut up.
Is that clear?
What's up?
Virtual reality gloves. Been around since the eighties. Never caught on.
Total bargain item. They replace the keyboard and the mouse.
Yak-yak-yak. These are mine.
Big bang, Caspar. Two features, one item.
Cool. Shall we try 'em?
Niet, niet, blah blah!
- Antibacterial gel. - It'slike wearing an old condom.
You get used to it.
The gel.
OK, give it a whirl.
CD ROM. Mailbox. Documents.
Tools. Printer. Files.
All right!
We're just a few hundred bucks away from our goal.
It'stime to make the magic happen.
Ride me, cowboy, ride me!
Ride me!
You've got mail!
Where's Tiny? Tiny! Tiny!
- What did I do? - The hologram. Turn it on. Turn it on.
Ride me, cowboy, ride me!
- Beautiful. - You want 15 minutes alone with her?
Simplify. Like you said, Darrell, we get rid of the monitor.
- Darrell was just messin' with ya. - No. No, no, no.
We make it... a hologram.
Ride me, cowboy, ride me!
All right, all right. lmagine... an empty desk.
And all that's on it... is this.
In front of you is a virtual desktop
where 3-D icons hover in space like, uh, a shimmering star field.
Maybe there's a little animated paperboy on a bicycle
grabbing emails out of a pouch and tossing them up onto my desktop.
- Yeah. Doesn't suck. - You're good.
I see why you were in marketing.
Can it be done?
No way.
Fine. Well, I guess it's impossible.
Yeah. It'simpossible.
We know what you're doing, Caspar.
All I'm saying is no three minds, no matter how staggering their genius, could do this.
OK, dammit, bring it over here. Let's see this thing.
OK, Tiny, how does this work?
- The economy's in the crapper, Hank. - What a surprise, Lloyd...
I wanna review this year's projects.
Now what is this horseshit about developing a $99 computer?
A group of unassigned losers volunteered for it.
Are we on the same page, Hank? Maybe Omega should give away computers for free?
Why are you worried about this?
Where the hell do you think my profit comes from?
It'sthe hardware, stupid. I did a billion dollars last year.
How am I gonna make a profit on a $99 kids' toy?
Why haven't you sent the annual sponsorship fund yet?
I wanted to deliver the funds in person.
But Lloyd, this is just a fraction of the annual funds.
1/52nd, to be exact.
Market's on the skids, I'm cutting back.
From now on you'll get your money a week at a time.
That way I can keep you on a short leash.
Oh, Hank? I suggest you keep the PC-99 on an even shorter leash.
OK. Road test.
Big moment: 2-D to 3-D.
- You guys ready? - Yeah.
All right. Here we go.
Three, two, one...
- What happened? - Wait. Let's check this part.
OK. Connection?
Whoa. Amazing.
- I saw 3-D icons. - Yes, but that's all there is, Andy.
The rest of the brain exists in cyberspace. We need a way to link it to the hologram.
We'd make a source at boot-up, piece the server, generate an override,
then model blush once, holographic context instantaneously...
- A hypnotizer code. - Yes.
Elegance.
Translation?
Simple. Tiny will write a code to connect all the elements together:
the lnternet, the gloves and the hologram.
- Clear? - Crystal. Get writing, Tiny.
Do you smell that?
That... is the stench of victory.
I can't... I can't...
Where the hell is Lloyd? Call him again!
- I'm right here, Hank. - Jesus! I hate when you do that.
I don't think you understand my situation.
I've got 500 engineers... and if they find out we're out of Pringles,
we're gonna have a riot on our hands. Where's this week's check?
- Did you take care of the problem? - In a couple of weeks it won't be an issue.
Fine. In a couple of weeks I'll send you your next check.
- Whoa. - Now what's wrong?
- Janie Hickenlocker. - Hello, boys.
- Whoa. - Ride me, cowboy!
- Come on, guys. We're on a deadline. - Let's get to it.
We're almost there. Tiny, you the man.
So just write like your ass is on fire and that code is a barrel of water.
They're like cockroaches. They're unstoppable. I'm just gonna fire them.
You can't. You'll have a mass revolt.
Lloyd's got me by the balls.
If I don't get all the money now, l... I can't make payroll.
Why don't you just give them the project?
- What do you mean? - Let them leave La Honda with the project.
They'll die out there. You know how many start-ups go castors-up every week?
And what if they hit pay dirt? lnvent the next Palm or iMac?
If it'll make you feel better, have them sign a nonexclusive waiver, just in case.
Put it together and what do you got?
I come off like a generous patron of technology.
Lloyd gives us our money.
There's no more money for your project. The PC-99 is dead at La Honda.
- What? - What?
But we did it. Hank, you're not gonna believe it,
but we built a holographic computer that actually costs $99. It'smagic.
- What are you talking about? - All right. lmagine the ad campaign.
A boy finds something in the desert,
he rubs it, and boom!
An electronic genie, a hologram, appears before him.
- Marketing bullshit. - No, it's not.
Then show me.
- Well, it's not... - Uh-huh.
I gotta go, Hank. The real men are flash-testing the Titan.
- Hank, you've gotta believe me. - Sorry. Francis is right.
You're out of money, you're out of time. Your team will be split up and reassigned.
No. We'll do it on our own. We quit.
- What? - Andy, wait a minute.
- We'll do it on our own. We quit. - Andy...
Francis said you'd react this way, so I had an exit document prepared.
- Wait a minute... - ''Nonexclusive waiver
to intellectual property rights...''
Nonexclusive. So... you can market our ideas too?
Yeah. You've got all the rights, but so does La Honda.
We're Ben and you're Jerry, so we share the ice cream.
Capeesh?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But only in what we've developed so far.
Anything we develop after we leave, we own, right?
- That's right. - Andy...
We should talk about this. We're a team.
Darrell's in.
Don't you follow the news? The economy is all over the place.
We don't have time for that. He's in.
- Hey, Andy, wait a minute. - Come on.
Where's Tiny?
- How you doin', Tiny? - Not doing. Done.
You did it? Way to go, Tiny!
- How many lines of code? - 69.
- I told you you're the man, Tiny. - Hey!
Hey, get away from there. Everything is the property of La Honda.
- You can take personal items only. - No, no...
Mine, mine.
- Mine! - You can't do this. This is all our work.
- Guys... - You got eight minutes.
- Let's talk about this. - Seven and a half now.
Shit! We have nothing!
- The hypnotizer? - Didn't put it in yet.
OK. Screw Hank. We're not even gonna tell him about the hypnotizer, OK?
Tiny, grab your stuff. We're outta here.
What?
We're leaving La Honda.
Leave? No.
No, no, no. Stay, yes. Stay.
Come on. We quit.
Quit? Quit?
We're gonna do this on our own. The four of us.
The five of us.
Hey, Caspar. I heard you're leaving. I'm sorry it didn't work out.
No hard feelings?
I don't get you, Francis.
I rose to your challenge. Hell, I bitch-slapped your challenge.
- And you go and screw me. - Hey, if you hurry,
you can get your marketing-puke job back in time to work on the Titan campaign.
But please, do me a favor. No chicken suits this time, OK?
Move over. I drive.
We were kicked out of Eden for this?!
In less than 24 hours we've gone from leading a technological revolution
to being unemployed vagrants.
And there are tubas.
Calm down, Salman. We're iron men.
People'll line up to see what we got. Trust me.
Trust you? The gold rush is over. People are getting fired.
How can I tell my girlfriend I chose to join the unemployed? She'll castrate me.
Hey, Andy.
Who's the honey? Is she your docking station?
She's a friend, and that's a really rude term.
Come on. It'stime for plan B.
Plan B? What was plan A?
Look around you. I want you to remember what you're wearing today.
I want you to look at these faces.
You're gonna remember these faces for the rest of your life.
Cos you're gonna tell the story of this meeting for the rest of your life.
I'm about to bestow upon you the holy grail of the computer industry.
Well, let me see.
Imagine you could put these hands in and touch the soul of your computer.
Touch your computer's heart.
Do you wanna be part of the revolution?
I have no idea what the hell you're talkin' about.
But I love your passion!
Here.
Oh, my.
Hello.
Darrell can't work in this environment.
Bacteria, mold, spores...
Rat fecal matter.
Come on, it's romantic. We're a garage start-up.
- Think Hewlett-Packard. - Think Hunter virus.
I could live here.
I've been living in La Honda for four years.
Well, welcome home, Tiny.
- How long to build another prototype? - No time, just parts.
Who's got the cash?
No, with rent, my cellphone, gas for the Porsche, I'm maxed out.
Analogue economic redistribution.
- Huh? - You sell some of your stuff.
No, I didn't mean we should get rid of the Porsche!
Anything but the Porsche! Oh, no! It'scool and it's fast and it's black...
- Hi. - Hi.
I'm Alisa.
- What's your name? - Curtis.
Tiny.
Hi, Tiny.
You know, you have really delicate hands.
Do you work with your hands a lot?
Here.
It'sdone. And I came up with the name.
How about the eMagi?
- Electronic magic. - Yeah. How about the eColi?
- Hah! Show me. - It'scrufty, but it works.
Well, let's try it. Where's Tiny's hypnotizer?
Where's Tiny?
Tiny, where's the hypnotizer?
Tiny?
- Tiny? - Wrong ear.
He sleeps with alternating sides of his brain, like a bottlenose porpoise.
Tiny? Tiny...
Wake up, Drumpy!
- Tiny? The hypnotizer. - Where is it?
Smoke test.
Desktop ready. Please select icon.
Mailbox.
It'samazing.
You have mail. You have mail.
It works!
- Yeah. - It works! It works!
Yeah! Yeah!
- Amazing. - Andy, it's so cool!
It's... beautiful. It'smagic!
The eMagi.
The eMagi? I win!
I get a night out with my girlfriend. When do I get to go?
Well, how about tonight? We'll all go.
- No. - Why? lt'll be fun.
We'll all bring dates.
That's not fair. To Darrell and Tiny, I mean. They don't have a DS.
- Neither do you! - Do too.
Tell you what, angry man. You bring a date and we'll double.
Hah. Check and mate.
Fine. Bahia Cabana. Eight o'clock.
And we'll see who brings a DS. Oh, and for the record,
a blow-up doll does not count as a DS.
Our first pitch is tomorrow, so tonight we're gonna celebrate. Wanna come?
It'sa trip...
It'sa triple date. Darrell, Salman and me, plus dates.
- What about Curtis? - Tiny? He can't get a date.
- He's too shy. - Oh, please!
- Here he is. - Who?
Tiny? With a girl?!
I got a date. I got a real date!
- Did you call her for him? - No, I just held his hand while he called.
The shortest, weirdest phone call you have ever heard.
Hey, Salman!
Sorry, Salman. I thought you had a girlfriend.
I do. I've just never met her.
- We chat all the time online. - What's her name?
FoxyLady33@AOL.
- Ask her out, dude. - She'll say no. She's Foxy Lady.
If you never ask, you'll never know.
Tiny asked, he got a date, and Darrell didn't even show.
Darrell's here. He's already claimed victory. They're dancing.
Hey, Salman, come on. Come on.
OK. Oh yeah. Not much further.
You ready?
Oh, Andy, this is... very, very cool.
lsn't it beautiful?
Simplified, clarified... economized.
I just wanna touch it with my hands.
I know just how you feel.
- The Dow slipped 35 points... - The NASDAQ index lost 141/2...
The New York stock exchange composite fell to 5621/2...
Ride me, cowboy, ride me!
Wow. Terrific. This is something.
I'll just give my friend at La Honda a call.
If your references check out, we've got ourselves a deal.
Carol, get me Francis, will ya?
You haven't given much thought to the look of it.
Our design team is working as we speak.
We'll have a cosmetic prototype in...
a couple of days.
- Times are a little tougher than I thought. - A little? Can you see this?
lt'd be easier to sell sand in Baghdad.
This is grim, Andy. We're almost out of food.
Maybe we could get an lSP partner - EarthLink or MindSpring or ModNet?
- I have a friend at ModNet. - What?!
You have a friend at ModNet? Why the hell didn't we go there in the first place?
A former friend.
Andy?
Andy!
Andy, I wanna formally apologize for hookin' up with Robin like that. It was totally uncool.
Oh. So you're not seeing her anymore?
No. We're gettin' married.
- Yeah. Gotcha. - She said she'd never get married.
She said she'd never do a lot of things. Money changes everything.
ModNet's buyin' up failed dotcoms for peanuts. I'm worth a pile!
Hell, my life's perfect. Let's go sell the old man.
- Is this the posse? - Yeah.
- Uh, guys, this is Willy, my old friend. - Best friend.
Andy's personally responsible for hookin' me up with the most insanely hot chick.
- How you doin'? Hi. - Get off!
Oh, man, I'm sorry.
Darrell here has personal space issues. I probably should've said something.
Yeah, well, just keep him away from the old man.
OK.
Well, well, well.
So... what have you kids got for me?
That's the old man?
I want you to remember how you feel today.
Because you're gonna tell the story of this meeting for the rest of your lives.
- I'm about to bestow upon you... - Sorry I'm late.
Hello, Andy.
I asked our head of marketing to join us. Thanks, Robin.
That's Robin?
You did it with that?! You are my god.
- Andy! - Yeah, um...
What we, uh... What we have here today, uh...
It'sa hologram.
It'sa holographic computer.
It'sso ugly.
Uh... question. What the hell?
OK, light it up.
Oh, this is ajoke.
It'sa... joke.
It's...
Is this what passes as ajoke these days?
You know, I don't get you kids and your sense of humor. Gentlemen?
Jesus, Andy! I told him you were money in the bank!
Won't be needing this.
I'm gonna have Willy's baby.
Look at you. You're as pathetic as these losers.
Only difference is... you did it on purpose.
What the hell happened in there? You tried to slug a chick!
And you missed!
What was I thinking?
I had everything...
and I threw it away.
You know, I don't even remember why anymore.
She's right. I am pathetic.
What have I become?
Who the hell am l?
Who the hell are you? What about us?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
You said everything would be all right. Now what?
Ben, you know I can do this.
You know I can do this.
- Yeah. - Hey, Ben. It'sAndy.
- Andy! - So, uh, how's things?
- I've been expecting this call. - You were?
All that ''jolt'' babble.
I told everybody Wonder Boy would be back within two weeks.
You're a born salesman, Andy. Don't waste your talents. Come on back.
Actually, Ben, I was calling to thank you.
Yeah, I mean this job is... more than I ever hoped for.
Yeah. And I never felt more alive.
Quit screwin' around, kiddo. The climate is changing.
We're entering an economic ice age.
Everybody wants yourjob. I can only hold it for you for another two weeks, max.
OK, man. Thanks, Ben.
- So why haven't your pitches gone well? - Oh, everyone's afraid.
They want to invest in a sure thing.
They see my piece of crap on their desk and...
I mean, in my head it's beautiful. I don't see the wires or the gloves or the kludge.
I just see this... beautiful glowing potential.
Beautiful glowing potential?
Maybe I could help you sexy up the look.
Wow, really? You'd do that for me?
lt'd be a good project for me, something I could... finish.
I'd love to see how you'd sexy it up, but I'm afraid it's too late.
Really?
That's too bad.
Yeah.
It'stoo bad.
Well... thank you for today.
No, thank you.
I really needed this.
So what are you gonna do now? Go back to Omega?
No. No way. Leaving Omega was the best decision I ever made.
But it's a little scary, though, huh?
Yeah, a bit.
But you know what? I should feel awful and I don't.
I've lost everything that I thought was important, but...
I feel... light.
Alive.
I have no money, no job, but I know something'll happen. I'll make it happen.
I bet you will.
So is... this that part of the movie?
No.
- Not yet. - Damn.
Not much longer.
Good night.
- What's going on? - Andy!
- We've been trying to call you. - What the hell is Mrs B gonna say?
Cocktail, Andy?
OK...
She wants to invest.
- What? - She wants to invest.
She wants to give us the money to finish the eMagi.
- Who? - It was Miss Claudia Goss.
She wants us to come back with our new design.
- New design?! - She needs it tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow? Shit!
Come on. The studio.
It'sgonna need a wide base, a flat base,
ventilation and access ports for both power and lnternet.
- But it needs to be short this way, with a... - I'm sorry. Andy...
I don't think I can do this. I'm sorry.
I'm not used to having all these rules and specs.
Newsflash.
Sometimes... it's OK to know what it is you're doing while you're doing it.
OK.
At least I'll know when I'm done.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Sit down. Let me do this.
I'm changing into my smock. No peeking.
Andy?
Andy? Andy, wake up.
- Hey. - I'm done.
Temporarily done.
Wow.
Avocado. That's awesome.
I just thought it was so hi-tech, it should have an organic color.
Well... good night.
It'salmost sunrise.
Good morning.
Hi.
I love this song.
- Where'd you find it? - I used to have this kick-ass CD collection...
Frankly, I'm a... little concerned about Mrs B's ''no hanky-panky'' clause.
What is this? Some kind of a kinky... sensory-deprivation sex thing?
- Yes. - Whoa!
Well, let's hope I last longer than the pillow.
Andy!
We have to go. We can't be late.
What did you do? Blow up a chicken?
Tiny, hurry up! Let's go! Get dressed!
We gotta go. We're late. Please hurry.
Let's get in the car. Get in the car.
No. Hold it, guys. You can't go dressed like that.
What if I start you and your troops out on a grand a month per person living expenses?
Sorry, Claudia.
Big nums or no nums. 2500 a month each.
- OK... - Plus 200 Gs operating expenses.
And you buy my Porsche back?
Fine. 200,000.
For 51% of the company.
51% ? No way, Andy. She'll have us by the prick.
- I don't like this 51%. - Let's face reality, boys.
Six months ago all you had to do was say ''dotcom''
and you'd have investors all over you like foam on a Frappuccino.
But those days are over. This is a buyer's market and, as far as I can tell,
nobody's buying.
Sidebar.
All right, I know this is a big risk, but everything we've done has been a big risk.
And I know 51% sucks, but it's our only offer. We don't have a choice.
We're out of options.
200 grand?
- We're in. - Great.
- Let's celebrate ?la Caspar. - ?la Caspar? What the hell is that?
eMagi!
This is it.
- Oh, my god... - Darrell likes.
- That is a work of art. - Tiny. Assembly.
- Yeah. - Oh, cool.
Come on, come on.
Oh, yeah.
This is the first eMagi assembled!
I think it's time for a photo op.
You guys are making history. Gather close to Tiny.
Hey. We are iron men!
Yeah!
Hello?
- Hey, Claudia. - We need to have a board meeting.
Guys, we're havin' a board meeting.
- Cool. - Just like we're grown-ups.
This morning I received an offer from Just Everywhere lnc
to purchase the eMagi outright for $409,000.
Well, I think I speak for all of us when I say... no.
And I think I speak as the majority shareholder when I say...
what you all say means precisely dick.
So... 49% of 409,000, minus the 200 advance,
leaves you with a grand total of $410 of pure profit. Congratulations.
- $410? You're kidding! - The movers should be here by four.
- We spent the advance already. - Great doing business with you. Bye.
Who the hell is Just Everywhere anyway?
You haven't heard the last of us! You didn't even ask us!
She didn't have to ask us. You gave her 51% of the eMagi.
Christ, we trusted you, Andy. We thought you knew what you were doing.
- Hey, what's up? - We have nothing.
We have nothing and we're broke.
Who's gonna tell Darrell?
Poverty sucks. Look at this machine, guys.
Huh? Does money buy happiness? I think so.
You tell him.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know I let you guys down and I know we have nothing.
But we've been here before, right? And we've come through before, right?
Right. OK. Here it is. State records office, civic center. Let's go.
- Come on, let's go! - Would you stop doin' that?
They're in San Jose. New company, not even in the computer yet.
Keep off the foot.
Come on, guys. Let's kick some ass!
Look.
Francis is Just Everywhere.
There you are, you engineering puke!
Caspar, it's good to see you. Security'll be here any minute.
- Do you think you'll get away with this? - This is wonderful. I'm very impressed.
Please pass along my compliments to the rest of your team. Where are they?
Oh, there they are.
You screwed them! You screwed me! You screwed all of us.
This is the new ''new thing.''
I am so confident that I broke a cardinal rule and I invested my own money into the eMagi.
That was your evil plan? Get me to design a revolutionary computer
so you could steal it and get rich?!
You are seriously paranoid, man. I only wanted to get rid of you.
It wasn't until I realized what you had come up with that this became my evil plan.
- I'm gonna kill you! - Kill me? You should thank me.
Of all the people I've worked with, you're one of the few
who made it worth my while to screw them. This is an enormous compliment.
999?
- We made it for 99. - Right.
But... if I charge $900 more,
every time I sell one, I make $900 more.
Oh. Looks like your time is up.
Mr Caspar?
We can do this the easy way... or the hard way.
- The easy way, please. - Damn.
Late breaking news. Silicon guru Francis Benoit has quit La Honda
to go for the money.
Benoit claims to have developed an electrifying new invention
that will completely change our lives.
I had a dream...
that I could make something and it would touch everyone's lives.
And we did it! We made it!
And Francis came and stole it from me.
He stole my dream.
No. He stole your thing, not your dream.
It'slike... when you paint a painting and you sell it.
You lose the painting, but you still keep the inspiration.
You sold the painting. Now just paint a new one.
It'snot that simple. I can'tjust... take a crayon
and... sketch a new computer.
Can't you guys just use some of your old stuff? What exactly do you still own?
Nothing.
Ben and Jerry's!
lce cream?
- Guess what, guys. I had a vision. - Did it involve Third World schoolkids?
No, it involves a nonexclusive agreement and a tube of KY.
Screwing Francis in a very public, demeaning and humiliating way.
- Look at that. Darrell smiled. - Did not.
It was a facial spasm!
Guys, do you have any idea what we accomplished?
We cracked the gene code, we built a space station.
We created a workout that tones your abs in only six minutes a day.
We took the most unwanted, uncool WOMBAT project and we spun it into gold!
- And it turned to shit. - No, it didn't. It was just stolen.
And we can get it back. Listen.
We developed the eMagi at La Honda, which means Hank co-owns the rights, remember?
If we get Hank on our side, we can use our ideas, but we can take it much further.
Blow Francis away with something cooler, faster... smaller. The next generation eMagi.
The ultimate. We go all the way to the limit.
- Who's with me? - I'm with you.
- I gotta get going, guys. - Where are you going?
FoxyLady33.
- You don't have to pretend... - I asked her out.
She's arriving at the ferry terminal in 56 minutes.
- She's real? - His Docking Station's at the docking station.
But... our new project?
No, we do his project before we do any project.
OK. OK, I'll help Salman with his project, you guys... stay here and brainstorm.
Brainstorm what?
No gloves, no wires, no nothing.
What if she's some kind of freakoid?
What kind of person agrees to meet a person she met on the lnternet?
What about me? I could be a weirdo for all she knows.
Go get her, Robin Hood.
If she is a ''her.''
Benoit quits La Honda. More on that story.
In a quick response, Omega's Lloyd Acheson
has abruptly halted La Honda's corporate funding,
leaving the Valley's premier research lab in a state of complete chaos.
Hank! Hank! We're here to save La Honda.
We got it. We got the answer right here.
I had a dream, Hank, and I thought it was gone.
- And then I remembered... you still have it. - Still have what?
- Ben and Jerry's! - The nonexclusive waiver.
Give me 30 iron men, a month, and we'll nail Francis.
There's only about seven guys left, eight if you include me.
You can have 'em till the power shuts off.
- We're gonna ravage Francis with this. - OK.
Hey, guys!
FoxyLady33 is Janie Hickenlocker?!
- Foxy Hickenlocker! - Hello, boys.
Small world, huh?
Ride me, cowboy!
Guys, let's get to work.
Let's crank it up, guys. Francis is going public in 10 days.
You all know what you need to do.
Caspar's team are building something at La Honda. They're using the Titan X.
The Titan was never finished. Caspar's team has nothing.
I have the eMagi and 100,000 preorders.
Wow. And we haven't even shown it to the backers yet.
Listen. Listen to some of these orders. NASA's ordered 25,000.
The Kuala Lumpur Department of Transportation wants 50,000.
Some institute in Sedona I don't know wants 10,000...
Hey, Tiny. How you doin'?
Not doing. Done.
Yeah!
Now that's what you would call... in the nick of time.
Synchronize your watches. I have 9:13. We've exactly less than two hours to get to Francis.
- ''Exactly less than''? - We're synchronizing watches. Cool.
Hey, Tiny! Let's roll!
Tiny, break it up!
Big excitement in San Jose
as Silicon Valley's elite jostle for a glimpse of the new ''new thing,''
Francis Benoit's so-called revolutionary computer.
Wraps come off at precisely 11, when the top players get to bid for the rights.
Meanwhile, security here at Just Everywhere is hi-tech and tight.
- We've got five minutes to get in there. - And Tiny's missing in action.
- Well, he's just gonna have to meet us inside. - If we get inside.
Don't worry. Salman's on it. Right, Salman?
Recursive security algorithms? Hah! Bring it, bitch.
Go for it, Andy.
Right thumb on the pad, please.
Hold it still.
Next!
Control the computers and you're unstoppable.
Hello again, Mr Caspar.
We have to stop meeting like this.
Unstoppable, huh?
- This way, Salman. - Guys, go with the plan!
lnside, inside.
Exciting, isn't it? Something in the air.
Francis Benoit, always miles ahead, has something new.
Quick, in here!
- What you see today will challenge... - Shit, we're not gonna make it!
I can't believe we got this close!
Today's computer is 50,000 times faster than the first computer
and it can hold a million times the information.
And tomorrow's computer?
- What the hell are you guys doin'? - Keep goin', Salman.
We can do this the easy way... or the hard way.
You know what's in this bottle, tough guy?
Tetrodotoxin.
Deadlier than cyanide.
Within ten minutes, your body goes numb...
and then the paralysis sets in.
In 30 minutes... you're dead.
Care to give it a try?
Nice try, but you'd die too.
Darrell's been inoculated.
Welcome, friends from around the world. Let's get started, OK?
Come on, throw me your security card.
It'sall right, Salman. It'sjust Mountain Dew.
Where's the card? Where's the card?
Oh, shit.
Live dangerously.
Kick ass, Darrell. We've only got a minute.
Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to meet the future... a holographic computer
for about $1,000.
Behold... the eMagi.
Eat flaming death, Francis!
Christ, Williamson, didn't we already pass on this?
A demonstration isn't complete without the customary glitch.
- Tiny? - Francis.
What are you doing here?
Perils of a downsized economy. Disgruntled former employees.
All right, Tiny. Now just waddle on home.
Go on!
- Now where were we? - Francis!
Hank, what is this? You don't know.
What's going on?
My name's Curtis Reese... and I helped design the eMagi
before Francis stole it!
Andy?
Excellent prank, Caspar. Now just do the pee-pee dance on home.
Sit down and shut up, Francis!
Hi. I'm Andy Caspar, and this is my team.
And we made the eMagi.
- And I'm here to tell you a secret. - What secret?
It wasn't finished.
The eMagi's cool, but it was only a step along the way towards our ultimate goal -
to simplify, to clarify, to economize.
- All right, enough. - Wait! I wanna hear what the kid has to say.
We're light years beyond Francis.
The eMagi isn't tomorrow's computer. It'syesterday's prototype.
This is tomorrow's computer.
Powerful, portable...
and one-tenth the price.
Hi. I'm Caspar.
The friendly... hologram.
I think it was... God who said...
''Let there be... light.''
Holy shit!
Whoa. Check it out!
Amazing!
Beautiful!
It doesn't suck!
Don't be shy. Put your hands into the hologram.
Let the lasers find your fingers.
Touch the soul of your computer.
Unbelievable!
- No shame in crying. - Darrell doesn't cry.
Darrell's... eyes sweat.
So, did you get yourjolt?
I'm about to.
Nice try, Caspar, but I still own the rights.
- So do we, Francis. - Concentrate, Francis.
Remember the nonexclusive waiver? I believe it was your idea.
Awesome, Caspar.
Omega is no longer interested in the eMagi. We're goin' with this baby. Hank?
Who do you think you are, Caspar?
I don't need anybody in this valley. I'm Francis Benoit.
I've got thousands of preorders from customers around the world.
Lookee here. Here's one of your worldly customers now.
The head of the Kuala Lumpur Department of Transportation.
- We bought 50,000 units. - Here is NASA's Chief Purchasing Officer.
25,000 units.
And Darrell there runs the Sedona Anger lnstitute.
- 10,000? - 10,000.
Hey, but don't worry. As long as you didn't... invest your own money...
Francis... you are so totally in the toilet.
Bye.
Very humiliating.
Very demeaning.
Very public.
Mr Benoit, I'd love to have your comments, sir.
Thank you, Andy, thank you.
Thank me? Thank you guys. I had nothing without you guys.
- Yeah, but you made us a team. - You gave us a chance to shine.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Thank you guys too.
Big-ups... to all of you.
Oh, my God. Darrell, you connected. You're actually touching us!
I figured... my hand was just in the toilet, so...
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